The world already has plenty of people ready to put you down. Be the first one to lift yourself up! 

We talk to ourselves every single day — sometimes more than we talk to anyone else. But have you ever given a thought to what you’re actually saying? That inner voice shapes not only your mood, but also your readiness to act, to overcome difficulties and to grow. 

What is inner self-talk and why does it matter? 

Your inner monologue isn’t just “a voice in your head”. It’s the way you evaluate your actions and the world around you. It directly affects your self-esteem, your motivation and your ability to stay calm under stress. 

When it’s supportive, you move forward with confidence. When it’s filled with harsh criticism, you become your own biggest obstacle. 

Common negative patterns 

Many of us don’t even notice that we keep repeating to ourselves things like:

A. “I’m not good enough. I don’t deserve anything nice.”

B. “Others always succeed, but I can’t do anything right.”

C. “I messed it up again. I’m all fingers and thumbs.” 

Repeated over and over, these thoughts become habits, they tint your whole world gray. As a result, even big wins feel smaller than they should, while the smallest hiccups seem insurmountable obstacles.

How to change your inner monologue without putting on rose-colored glasses

Changing how you talk to yourself doesn’t mean living in denial. It means being honest with yourself — but also respectful. No sugarcoating, yet no exaggeration either.

In tough moments, pause for a second or two and notice: what exactly did you just say to yourself? Chances are, you wouldn’t dare say that out loud to someone else, for at times, we are much more cruel to ourselves than we ever are to other people.

Shift your tone! Imagine having to say the same thought to your best friend instead of yourself. Not feeling like being all that sarcastic or cruel, are we now? Good! Hold on to that feeling — and start reshaping your inner voice!

1. Ease up on the bitterness and cut the drama.

2. Strip the thought down to plain facts, as if reporting news.

3. Now add some encouragement and actually constructive advice to yourself.

Instead of bitter self-talk, you should end up with something like: 

“Yeah, it could have been better/easier, but I’ll give it my all — as I’ve already done before — and it should work out quite nicely for me.”

This way you’ll stop undermining your confidence and instead begin strengthening it.

So what, does it actually help any?

Don’t knock it before you try it! Surely once your inner monologue stops being your enemy, you’ll notice that you: 

• take criticism and temporary setbacks more calmly;
• feel more energy to try new things;
• see your anxiety go down while your self-confidence grows.

Instead of being your own abuser, you become your most reliable source of support, balance and constructive advice drawn from your past experience. And that’s a resource that will never leave your side. 

The key is sticking to moderation and realistic optimism, without swinging to extremes. Recently, we already explored how to stay upbeat without putting on rose-colored glasses in the article “Positive thinking: an effective strategy or a misconception?”